Kenilworth bakery

Too often do we visit fast food restaurants with a view to obtain a quick and easy meal.  Deep fried chicken coated in 11 amazingly delicious herbs and spices, round flattened bread with loads of fantastic cheese and meat circles or Nuggets (don’t get me started on these heavenly crisped chicken pieces sent from above).

Gone are the days when one would visit a little bakery to purchase some type of tasty baked pastry, freshly baked bread, satisfying filled roll or a delicious meat pie.

Enter the 1kg donut challenge

Kenilworth, a small town (and by small I mean….smallllllll – population is nudging just over 500) in the Sunshine Coast (in the upper Mary Valley area) was previously known for it’s quaint art galleries and cheese factory and a fantastic bakery providing freshly baked goods to locals and tourist alike.

A recent addition to their menu though, has become a viral sensation.

1kg of freshly baked cinnamon-sugar coated, donut goodness with cream and jam with the aim to eat it in one sitting (no leaving the property, no time limit and no assistance from any other donut/sugar addicts).  Served in a giant cardboard tray, this piece of awesomeness will be free of charge if you are able to nudge every delectable morsel down your gullet and you are also able to have your name up on the wall of heroes.

Happy Birthday

My daughters 11th birthday started as any normal birthday would, we woke up, we opened presents (well….she opened presents…no one thought to buy ME anything…how rude), we packed the car for a weekend away.  Well, two cars – My son and I were in one car (with my bike and triathlon gear as I was going to be doing the Bribie Triathlon the next day), while my wife took our daughter and her friend.

First stop for Keian and I was Gamebred Academy (review to come)…for a quick crossfit workout.  This turned out to be a horrible, horrible idea for the following reasons;

  1. the workout was extremely difficult
  2. A huge workout the day before a triathlon is never a good idea
  3. I ran out of petrol as I was leaving Gamebred Academy…on my way to the petrol station

After walking back from the petrol station (with a newly purchase fuel can and fuel), a quick stop at the Confectionery Warehouse (review to come) to stop my son from hassling me about running out of petrol, we headed off to Kenilworth.

Two donuts please

I thought I would take on the challenge.  I’m a larger lad with what could only be described as a slightly bigger than usual appetite – I’m not a champion food consumer at all (not like my wife who I would line up against the pizza eating champion of the world), but I thought I could eat an oversized donut like nobodies business.  So we purchased 2 donuts, 1 for me and 1 for the others (my wife and 3 kids).

The amazingly friendly team at Kenilworth bakery gave me a rundown on the rules before their Brazilian Barista boasted to me of his performance….5 minutes.  “You have to just eat it quickly” he said to me, “how quickly do you think you’re going to get it down?”

I was content to just finish it to be honest.  After looking through the Kenilworth Bakery cabinets admiringly, I felt that breathing in a 1kg donut to attempt a record time would do both an injustice to what looked like exquisite bakemanship (totally a word) and some painful things to my body. “I’m just going to eat it slowly and enjoy it”, I replied…..to a look of unbelief and derision.

Then the donuts arrived. Brought out to our table carefully carried in two cardboard trays, the wait staff obviously struggling beneath the breaded behemoths, the donuts crashed down on our table (aided by their mass and gravity) ready for consumption.  I realised that the reason for quick consumption is purely out of respect to the tables which I swear were groaning at the weight of these prodigious pastries.

I slid mine toward me and after the obligatory selfie video, slowly gulp and began to slice a piece of.

Delicious

The first thing I can say about this fantastic donut goodness is that it is delicious….granted, I had to verbalise it in my head because I am a gentleman and cannot speak with my mouth full, and full it was, with soft donut bread, cinnamon and sugar.

I also realised that I may have…quite literally…bitten off more than I could chew.

Doubt was beginning to trickle into my psyche.  Not helped by my son next to me demolishing his 1/4 and then saying “I so could have smashed that challenge, can you do it Dad” – voice laden with doubt, comedic banter and way more confidence than a shorter than average 13 year old boy should ever have the gall to muster.

I pick up another slice and slowly chew my way through, trying not to focus on how much my jaw is beginning to ache with the amount of chewing that is taking place.  Trying to tune out the taunts and jeers of my son as I admit (begrudgingly) in my mind that he might be right. Trying not to look down at how much of this 1kg colossal nightmare is remaining.

Should I force myself

Chewing away, the sugar coursing through my veins causing me to see colours I never knew existed and hear voices in languages I have never heard before, I look down and see I have 1/4 of my donut left.

“Can I really do this” I whispered slowly to myself.

“I could have”, my son whispers next to me.  I pray for a law change allowing parents to kick their kids out of home at 13 and picture him walking himself home to Brisbane due to my lack of patience brought about through what I can only assume is a cinnamon overdose.

The sugar is really kicking in now and my leg is shaking like a…..nope, can’t think of what I was shaking like because I was too hopped up on sugar.  Darkness haunts the edge of my vision and the new colours that I began seeing start to intensify.  My wife begins to get really funny, like hilarious (which I know means something is wrong, because I tell the jokes around here) – if this is what dying is like, what a way to go – overdosing on carbs, cinnamon and sugar.

I call it.

I raise my hands in disappointed defeat, but understand that if I had forced myself to eat the remainder of the donut, the overload in sugar may have forced the equivalent of a Delorean hitting 88mph and I would have been blasted back in time (or forward in time) and who knows what idiocy I make have undertaken in those circumstances.

The donut, though massive, was absolutely delicious and I will be going back.  Admittedly though, the next trip will see me eating some of the other delicious morsels available at the Kenilworth Bakery, but also so I can talk smack to my son as he attempts (and hopefully, fails) the 1kg Donut challenge

eyes_too_big_for_the_belly

Oh how the mighty hath fallen

Kenilworth Bakery
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