Holey Moley Golf Club

Now, rocking up at a heritage-listed church on a Saturday night after sinking a few beveraginos is normally never on my list of planned activities. I’m not a exactly a sinner per se, but I can think of many activities that would be higher on my list than attending a church while inebriated (also, there is also the mild concern that I could potentially burst into flames upon entry to such hallowed ground)….but, this is the building of choice for the Holey Moley Golf Club (it totally should be Holy Moley for this one venue within their stable, surely).

Tee time

Upon arriving at the venue, all the young folk were appropriately ID’d by staff and we ushered ourselves into the building, admiring the wonders of golfery surrounding us (while also looking forward to delicated imbibing some additional beverages, eating some delectable delicacies and doing our best to channel our inner Tiger Woods or Lydia Ko. The fantastic staff welcomed us and we were introduced to an absolute legend of a caddy by the name of Toby who directed us to our little party area and gave us a rundown of what to expect in the world of Holey Moley (absolutely riddled with puns and good natured banter).

The man, the myth the legend – Toby at his finest


Quickly sinking a number of drinks, we settled on creating 3 teams of 3 (there were supposed to be 10 people – functions are a minimum of 10 people, priced extremely well and generously looked after – but we lost one) – the names were terrible, but I’m fairly confident the golfing skills were not that much better.

I like big putts and I cannot lie

– maybe sir-mix-alot (not sure really)

With themed holes galore – you could see yourself putting through a chessboard, playing past the Simpsons couch or reenacting something akin to the American election (complete with Donkey ass) all while the caddy swings past on the regular, asking if there is anything that you need, pointing out potential improvements to technique or reminding the less scrupulous to not be cheating bastards.

Sometimes, the donkey is the trump card


Nothing brings on a hunger like the drunken ribbing of your mates about their terrible golfing prowess. The poor efforts to work out clever angles of approach, their inability to judge the appropriate distance or how hard to hit it, their constant desire to twerk to the music being piped through the venue or focus on themselves in any reflective surface that might arise…..thank goodness for Toby and his timely arrival with pizza.

Expecting terribly basic food, I was pleasantly surprised to find that the multitude of pizzas that were brought to our celebration area were absolutely delicious. Cheesy goodness where required, BBQ saucy where expected, Holey Moley really hit it down the fairway with the pizzas (so much so, that we were unable to eat all of the pizza that was presented to us).

Celebratory drinks to the most accomplished cheaters winners of our little tournament AND a celebratory drink for both the birthday boy AND the worst golfer of the crew definitely aided our little shindig in being a fantastic occasion.

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